Blessed is She

Luke 1:45 "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord will fulfill His promises to her"

I've been pondering this verse for a while now. As i hold it in my heart and meditate on it, it sinks deeper and deeper and feels more like one of those life verses. The word blessed feels like a breath, a prayer, a soft floating exhale. I say it over my own body and everything about me softens.
I'm the woman believing the Lord will fulfill the promises made to me.
I've been thinking lately, as i held this verse, that it seems as i opened one door in my life to deconstruction and healing so many others followed. When I made the decision to stop attending church, it wasn't just about church. This conscious opening was about spirituality and sexuality and politics and family and my marriage and my friendships. So many things have been blown open.
I feel like i'm looking out on stormy seas. On the wind and the waves and the lightning and thunder.
What i thought i knew turned out to be too small. And now i'm here. Waiting. Trusting that the freedom and peace and joy that was promised to me will come.
I say the words over myself. Over my heart and my root spaces and my version of church and my marriage and my home. Blessed. It is what I cling to. That the Lord will fulfill the promises made to me and that I am blessed.

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