Gilead

A while ago my friend posted a story on her insta-stories about a show she was watching. I don't remember what show it was, or even what the context was but I remember a quote from it (If anyone knows the show help a girl out!) I paused her story, scrambling for a pen and paper to write this down because this quote, and the way my darling friend explained it, left such a huge impact on me. The quote was "You can stay or you can go but you cannot kill me. I won't allow it." My friend then talked about how this quote related to how people were treating her in her life. I've thought about this quote so many times since then, in different life situations and relationships. And these last few days its been on my mind again. I want to tell you about codependent me. The me who, when someone was upset with her, would have scrambled and lost sleep and run herself ragged trying to figure out what the problem was and keep the peace and make people ok with her. The girl w...

Healing isn't a battle, its a romance In March I wrote about death, and grieving, and healing in such a public way it caused a shift in the earth I was standing on. all of a sudden everything I thought I knew, the people I thought I knew, no longer existed. I remember that morning, seeing the results of my vulnerability, and feeling sick to my stomach. I stared at my phone for a long time not knowing what to do. I could hear my husband in the kitchen making breakfast and I knew I couldn't talk to him. I walked out of our apartment building in my pyjamas and bare feet (in March), sat in my car and called a dear friend. I didn't know who I was going to call, who would help me make sense of this mess, and by some miracle my fingers dialed her number and she just happened to have a few free minutes. I don't think I said a word for 10 minutes. I just sobbed in a way that made my entire body hurt. Today is the first day of fall and it feels like grief. I don't know h...

Maybe you've seen it. The article floating around facebook on why we should stop saying marriage is hard. I'll tell you my conclusion on this post in just a few words: its wrong. Marriage is really really hard. I wish more people had told me marriage is hard. But not just told me marriage is hard, but to be honest about marriage and WHY its hard. Because I always heard that marriage is hard and then I got married and one of my first thoughts stumbling through that post-wedding fog into the "real life" days was "Nobody told me it was hard like this" I'd heard that marriage was hard but because he would leave his socks on the floor (which he does) and because we would want to organize our house differently (which we do) or because living in such close proximity with one person is difficult to adjust to (which it is). But no one told me marriage was hard in the way that being in such an intimate relationship with another person rips open your wounds if ...

"Do you know how amethysts are created?" "How?" "Something goes wrong. some kind of wonky thing happens to the quartz... every time a quartz has a radiant colour its because something that wasn't supposed to happen to the quartz happened." ... the imperfection of the thing - that creates the beauty of the thing Glennon Doyle I've had this post tucked away in my brain for a while but didn't know how to begin writing it. I feel a lot of my posts start like that. They start as this little idea and it takes this tiny spark for them to come along and turn into this big blaze. I want to talk about living the dream. I want to talk about feeling like you aren't enough. Somehow I am both of these things. My life has taken me on some unexpected journey lately, and somehow I've ended up where I always said I wanted to be. When I would dream of where I wanted to be back when I was a teenager and the world seemed limitless after I would grad...