the amethyst
"Do you know how amethysts are created?"
"How?"
"Something goes wrong. some kind of wonky thing happens to the quartz... every time a quartz has a radiant colour its because something that wasn't supposed to happen to the quartz happened."
... the imperfection of the thing - that creates the beauty of the thing
Glennon Doyle
I've had this post tucked away in my brain for a while but didn't know how to begin writing it. I feel a lot of my posts start like that. They start as this little idea and it takes this tiny spark for them to come along and turn into this big blaze.
I want to talk about living the dream. I want to talk about feeling like you aren't enough.
Somehow I am both of these things. My life has taken me on some unexpected journey lately, and somehow I've ended up where I always said I wanted to be. When I would dream of where I wanted to be back when I was a teenager and the world seemed limitless after I would graduate high school I would dream of this moment. I'm currently working from home running my own online health and wellness business. It's still very, very tiny but there are days when I can feel it picking up steam and I think I'm actually doing this thing. I'm registered for two yoga trainings that both begin this fall. I've been practicing yoga in an actual studio surrounded by rad humans every day for the past month or so. And I'm at a place in my healing journey where (most days) I feel free and passionate and can feel the growth taking place. By no means are we rolling in money (I look at other people pursuing their dreams and going on wild adventures and wonder what money tree they planted, and I know people look at me and wonder the same thing and the answer is we don't. We don't have a lot of money. We do have a lot of debt (student loans and buying a house 6 months after a wedding will do that to you) but we prioritized things so we could have the kind of life we wanted) and I feel insanely grateful every day that I get to do this - that my days consist of yoga and oils and mentoring women.
But here's the thing you knew was coming, didn't you?
I'm living my dream... and at least fifty times a day I have to fight back thoughts of I'm not enough.
I'm not making enough money. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not busy enough. I'm not pushing far enough. I'm not athletic enough or healthy enough to have a career in this field. I'm not worthy of pursuing my dreams. I'm not worthy of speaking into other people's lives. Who I am at the core of my being, as a human, without doing a single thing, isn't good enough. I'm a burden on those I love, on my husband who is giving up so much for me to be able to pursue my dreams. What I'm working for is stupid, this is stupid, I'm stupid.
I'm calling bullshit.
I see people every single day who, from the outside looking in, have it all. They are living the dream. And they don't feel good enough. Some of the people I admire most have confessed to me that they don't feel worthy. I went to a women's circle this past full moon and as we all shared, in some capacity it all boiled down to none of us believe we are worthy or good enough.
I read this post (in italics above) by Glennon Doyle this morning about amethysts. I shared it on my business page (Alisha Hiebert - yoga + oils on facebook. Come follow me!) and wrote this caption: I have an amethyst and I keep it on my desk to inspire me while I'm working. I'm thinking of pinning up this quote beside it. Guys, the beauty of the thing is in the imperfection, the mistake, the messy. stop trying so hard to be perfect or get it right. screw perfect. there is no right. there is just now and whatever you decide to do with your one wild and precious life. be imperfect, be messy, make mistakes - and let beauty come from it.
And as I typed out those final words, I realized I was talking to me. The girl who is working so hard to get it right and be perfect, to succeed and be the best and hit that next rank and do this training and... all so maybe I'll feel worthy.
I'm going to tell you something I've learned: If you don't feel worthy and good enough now what makes you think you'll feel worthy and good enough when you have that job, that relationship, that body, that dream?
I'm not saying don't go after what you want. I am saying we need to stop waiting for someone or something to come along and make us worthy and enough.
You already are worthy. You already are enough.
I am worthy and enough.
The mess, the imperfection, the mistake, that's where the beauty is. This one wild and precious life I'm living right now, this is where the beauty is. Its not there down the road once I do x,y,z and be this and be that. Its not once I achieve perfection or success.
the beauty is right now. in this life I live desperately wanting to be enough, when all I can see are the mistakes I'm making and where I'm failing, the beauty is right here.
So let yourself be messy and make mistakes and be imperfect. Choose to be happy in this moment, even if its not the path you thought you would be on or the right one. there is no right one. there is just the one you are on and it is wildly imperfect and messy and oh so beautiful. Stop hiding your beautiful in an attempt at looking like you have it all together on the outside.
And if you need a reminder today let me be the one to tell you that you are enough. you are worthy. and exactly where you are is beautiful.
"How?"
"Something goes wrong. some kind of wonky thing happens to the quartz... every time a quartz has a radiant colour its because something that wasn't supposed to happen to the quartz happened."
... the imperfection of the thing - that creates the beauty of the thing
Glennon Doyle
I've had this post tucked away in my brain for a while but didn't know how to begin writing it. I feel a lot of my posts start like that. They start as this little idea and it takes this tiny spark for them to come along and turn into this big blaze.
I want to talk about living the dream. I want to talk about feeling like you aren't enough.
Somehow I am both of these things. My life has taken me on some unexpected journey lately, and somehow I've ended up where I always said I wanted to be. When I would dream of where I wanted to be back when I was a teenager and the world seemed limitless after I would graduate high school I would dream of this moment. I'm currently working from home running my own online health and wellness business. It's still very, very tiny but there are days when I can feel it picking up steam and I think I'm actually doing this thing. I'm registered for two yoga trainings that both begin this fall. I've been practicing yoga in an actual studio surrounded by rad humans every day for the past month or so. And I'm at a place in my healing journey where (most days) I feel free and passionate and can feel the growth taking place. By no means are we rolling in money (I look at other people pursuing their dreams and going on wild adventures and wonder what money tree they planted, and I know people look at me and wonder the same thing and the answer is we don't. We don't have a lot of money. We do have a lot of debt (student loans and buying a house 6 months after a wedding will do that to you) but we prioritized things so we could have the kind of life we wanted) and I feel insanely grateful every day that I get to do this - that my days consist of yoga and oils and mentoring women.
But here's the thing you knew was coming, didn't you?
I'm living my dream... and at least fifty times a day I have to fight back thoughts of I'm not enough.
I'm not making enough money. I'm not working hard enough. I'm not busy enough. I'm not pushing far enough. I'm not athletic enough or healthy enough to have a career in this field. I'm not worthy of pursuing my dreams. I'm not worthy of speaking into other people's lives. Who I am at the core of my being, as a human, without doing a single thing, isn't good enough. I'm a burden on those I love, on my husband who is giving up so much for me to be able to pursue my dreams. What I'm working for is stupid, this is stupid, I'm stupid.
I'm calling bullshit.
I see people every single day who, from the outside looking in, have it all. They are living the dream. And they don't feel good enough. Some of the people I admire most have confessed to me that they don't feel worthy. I went to a women's circle this past full moon and as we all shared, in some capacity it all boiled down to none of us believe we are worthy or good enough.
I read this post (in italics above) by Glennon Doyle this morning about amethysts. I shared it on my business page (Alisha Hiebert - yoga + oils on facebook. Come follow me!) and wrote this caption: I have an amethyst and I keep it on my desk to inspire me while I'm working. I'm thinking of pinning up this quote beside it. Guys, the beauty of the thing is in the imperfection, the mistake, the messy. stop trying so hard to be perfect or get it right. screw perfect. there is no right. there is just now and whatever you decide to do with your one wild and precious life. be imperfect, be messy, make mistakes - and let beauty come from it.
And as I typed out those final words, I realized I was talking to me. The girl who is working so hard to get it right and be perfect, to succeed and be the best and hit that next rank and do this training and... all so maybe I'll feel worthy.
I'm going to tell you something I've learned: If you don't feel worthy and good enough now what makes you think you'll feel worthy and good enough when you have that job, that relationship, that body, that dream?
I'm not saying don't go after what you want. I am saying we need to stop waiting for someone or something to come along and make us worthy and enough.
You already are worthy. You already are enough.
I am worthy and enough.
The mess, the imperfection, the mistake, that's where the beauty is. This one wild and precious life I'm living right now, this is where the beauty is. Its not there down the road once I do x,y,z and be this and be that. Its not once I achieve perfection or success.
the beauty is right now. in this life I live desperately wanting to be enough, when all I can see are the mistakes I'm making and where I'm failing, the beauty is right here.
So let yourself be messy and make mistakes and be imperfect. Choose to be happy in this moment, even if its not the path you thought you would be on or the right one. there is no right one. there is just the one you are on and it is wildly imperfect and messy and oh so beautiful. Stop hiding your beautiful in an attempt at looking like you have it all together on the outside.
And if you need a reminder today let me be the one to tell you that you are enough. you are worthy. and exactly where you are is beautiful.
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